Esther//Queen of Persia

Journal entry for April 19, 69 BC

 

Dear Diary,

How close I've come to death today. My heart pales at the thought of how much hate Haman has for my people. I am so thankful for my uncle, Mordecai, who found out what Haman was planning to do to the entire nation of Israel and came and told me. If it was not for Mordecai's wisdom and obedience to God, we would have faced certain death. And yet, God appointed me as the one to tell the King. No one else has as much access and influence on Xerxes as I do. But I have to admit, when Mordecai told me about Haman's plot to kill the Jewish nation and asked me to intervene, I was nervous. Going before Xerxes might mean immediate death for me if he was in a bad mood. I didn't want to take my chances, but I knew that if I didn't speak up, death was certain, not only for me, but also for my family, and every other Jewish person. So three days ago I began fasting and praying, pouring out my heart to God and begging him to intervene. It occurred to me that if God rescued my people when they were being terrorized by their cruel Egyptian masters, then we can trust him to rescue us again. He is a faithful God and he loves us all so very much! 

Spending three full days on my knees in prayer has humbled me. I may be the Queen of Persia, but if I do not do what God has called me to do, then everything that I do is worthless. I think that when God chooses leaders, he doesn't look for the most qualified. I am far from being the most qualified for this job, and yet, God was willing to appoint me to this position. God searches for obedient hearts surrendered to his will and uses them to bring him glory. No, I'm no where close to be as obedient to the Lord as I wish I was, but I am striving to be the best queen I can be because he gave me this position to accomplish his purposes. 

That's why  when I woke up today, I was determined to somehow break the word to the King that my people will die if nothing is done. I believe that Xerxes doesn't want the entire nation of Israel destroyed, but what if he does? How will I go on living if I am spared on that dreadful day? Will he kill me along with everyone else, too? So many questions go unanswered. Be still, my soul. The Lord is with me, so I have nothing to fear. This very morning I approached King Xerxes and waited mesmerized as he slowly held out his royal sceptor towards me, inviting me into his presence. Softly and ever so qiuetly, peace crept into my whole being and gave me a sense of belonging there in the King's court. As I glided toward the throne, dressed in my best dress, Xerxes greeted me with a warm, "Hello, my beloved, Esther. How are you this morning, dear?" His words soothed my soul and gave me the courage to speak up. I eventually cordially asked him to come to a banquet that I prepared on my own for him, Haman, and myself. 

Thinking that would solve the problem, I prepared a very nice meal and decorated my dining room with ornate decorations, hoping to please the King. When he arrived with Haman, I wanted to just blurt out my request, but I held my tongue. Xerxes and Haman greatly enjoyed the dinner, and afterwards, Xerxes asked me if there was anything I wanted. He said that he would buy me any jewlry or clothes or basically anything else I might possibly want. Right then might have been a good time to ask for deliverance for the Jewish nation, my people, but I felt God's restraint on me, so I waited, and instead, invited them to come back tomorrow night. Then I will break the news to the King and have him punish Haman for Haman's disobedience. 

Courage...it's hard to come by. But it's vital if you're ever going to win any wars in this life. I approached Xerxes yesterday, but only because God directed me to do so and gave me the faith to trust that he would provide. I am about to go and spend more time in prayer, because I know that I will never find the courage I need without God working in me and through me. He's given me this position of authority over the nation of Persia and my people, the Israelites, and I intend to be wise in the way I act and make the most of every opportunity that I'm given.

Until tomorrow,

Esther